I’d been saying from the beginning of the homeschooling journey how hands-on socialization was supposed to be. “It’s up to the parents,” I’d endlessly drone. Yet–I did nothing about it.
I just put my head down and pursued this whole goal of educating my children all by myself. And, I failed miserably.

Yanni was still working on school all the way up until two weeks before I started the new year–the first year we homeschooled.

Xay was done months beforehand, and needed to run daily, like a young horse.

I was drowning, and in desperate need of friends.

One day, I called Lisa, and demanded that she help me get Yanni into the girl’s group that Lauren, her daughter was in. (Lisa and Jim were the people I directly blamed for us homeschooling in the first place; Jim worked with Curtis, and they’d complain about the school system everyday). It didn’t matter if Yanni was a year older than the oldest girls in that group–she needed something.

Then, we started meeting people at swimming. I met Daneen quite by accident. I was reading a Sonlight catalogue during swimming one night, and Daneen asked me how long I’d been homeschooling. I had been shopping around for a new curriculum, not satisfied with the work-text aspect of Alpha-Omega, the program I’d started out with. Daneen told me that she was using something similar to Sonlight, but it was called Classical education. Their homeschool was based on the Greek trivium, I found out, after further research.

The Thompson’s from our church had started a small group for homeschoolers. We met a few times, once at a park, once at the orchard, and the children and I went to the Thompson’s house once in the fall. Then they got too busy with their teenage children’s schedules to do anything else with the small group.

Traycie Small, a new homeschooler at the time of the small group, invited a group of us, two other mothers and all the children and daycare babies out to a Comstock private beach one summer day in ’03. It was a lot of fun talking and laughing, and trying to swim, and sharing food. I think even Yanni enjoyed herself, considering that the one daughter her age was absent that day.

We limped along, from experience to experience, not really getting anything consistent together for several years. Daneen started a park day with her church friends, and invited us. We started going to Oshtemo Park every other Friday in warm weather the whole year I was pregnant with Esteban. Daneen’s daughter, Sarah invited Yanni to join her church’s girl’s group, King’s Daughters. Yanni enjoys this group to this day. Austin, Daneen’s son, invited Xay to his birthday party that summer.

It wasn’t until after he was born, though, that things began to fall into place. We started a small group in April of ’04. Barbie was our only member for 2 months or so, and then the Stewarts came. They were a homeschooling couple, new in town from Arkansas. Soon after they came, Esteban was born, and we got a few other new members. I decided to have a regular park day to get the Stewarts connected in Kalamazoo.

I invited Annette Stewart, Redice, also from the small group, Christie, and Lillian. We had quite a lively discussion about weight, exercise, and dieting. It was great!

It became a weekly thing. We didn’t stop, even when the weather prohibited going outdoors. We spent so much time at the museum that the staff in the preschool room knew us. We also went to the Portage Library, and the Kalamazoo Library’s various branches.

Along the way, we picked up some people: We met Keisha through Lillian, and also, she’d contacted Annette through the KAHSA (Kalamazoo Area Home School Association )directory. She came to one park day in the summer of ’04, but we had lost track of her until the spring of ’05. Now she is a faithful member. She just had her fourth child, and we have mobilized to take her meals.

Julie came to us through Annette. Her homeschooling buddy from gymnastics, Julie comes from Paw Paw to hang out with us every week. Some weeks, she’s the only one who makes it!

Miriam has always been a part of our homeschool social scene. We met by chance at church in the nursery. It was ’01, or so, and we were both in the nursery with our 1- year -olds on a Wednesday night. We got to talking about homeschooling, and exchanged numbers. The children and I went to the zoo with Miriam and her four children a week or so later. We’d set up a pretty regular Thursday child swap, meet at the park, or whatever routine with them, but it got disrupted with new children, different challenges. They helped out when Joy was born with meals, and childcare, and then they adopted their fifth child in ’03. Their adoption was a family adventure, as they all learned Spanish and flew to Columbia to gain custody of an almost 8 year old visually impaired little boy. Now Camilo is fluent in English and pretty independent to boot. Again, Miriam was one of the first to bring us a meal when Esteban was born. She joins us on our Wednesday excursions when she can. I’ve noticed she can more often than not these days.

Maureen is another of our park day people. I met her through Miriam. She is a former neighbor of Miriam’s, who started homeschooling her four sons the year after I started homeschooling. Her son William is a year younger than Xay, and Miriam thought he would be a good friend for Xay. It took a while for the friendship to take off, though. After a few meetings at Miriam’s house, Xay invited William to a birthday party, and we lost touch while they built a new house and moved. I happened to bump into Maureen at Meijer’s one day, while I was pregnant with Esteban. We’d met when I was pregnant with Joy, and she was surprised to see me at it again. She told me that she was on my side of town every Monday (Maureen lives in Portage, quite a ways from our house), and maybe she could come pick up Xay on those days? I thought that was a great idea, and I called her within a week. Xay and William have been tight since then, and it has been nice to be closer to Maureen. She and her husband just adopted a baby boy, and we took them a meal, and I was invited to her baby shower!

Sherese is more present in inclement weather than nice weather, but she does come to the occasional park day. We’ve known each other since around 9th grade, as we were in the Jr. Symphony together, and later took piano lessons from the same teacher. It was great to run into her when Yanni was still in school. Her husband was the instrumental music teacher at Woodward–now what are the odds? We’ve been through some tough things together, and it is always good to see and talk to her.

I remember last fall was the first time we made it to the homeschool track and field meet. We’d heard so many good things about how much fun it was, and couldn’t wait to go. It had been scheduled for May, but it had stormed so hard on that day that the meet was cancelled. I remember looking at the black sky at 3 o’clock in the afternoon, and rethinking the idea about going.

Two years ago, we set out for track and field day, only to not find anyone there. We drove to every park we thought might hold the event, only to return home disappointed. We later found out that we had the wrong date!

The September 2004 date for Track and Field day was ideal. It was a little cool at first, but warmed up nicely. We’d arranged to meet Annette out there, so we would know somebody there.

That’s where the big surprise came. It was like we knew everybody there! I saw the three other mothers who’d been pregnant in Yanni’s girl’s group with me. One of them, Angie, was the mother I’d never met in the girl’s group context. I’d met her husband once, but somehow, I knew who she was when I saw her. I boldly introduced myself, and found we had all five of our children at around the same time!

Yanni found herself in a group of girls she knew from girl’s group, King’s Daughters, basketball(?), sewing class, (?), and the Friday park day. It was amazing.

Shortly thereafter, we began our ridiculously busy homeschool year. Yanni tried out for Annie in the middle of basketball season. Xay was signed up for museum science class, and 5-6th grade boy’s basketball, even though he was still a fourth grader. This was all without taking swimming into consideration.

Our swim coach had quit at the end of the summer to move to Korea, and KAC (Kalamazoo Aquatic Club hired the coach of the Mattawan swim club. The kids swam when they could for a couple of weeks with this coach. Then, the pool broke. Children found themselves out of the pool for over a month.

It seemed good news to us at the time, as busy as we were with basketball and the musical. Then I caught wind of the serious swimmers in the club defecting to Great Lakes Aquatics, (GLA), across town at the other High School. I hated the idea of the kids getting left behind, and I ended up switching to the more elite club, also.

The Martins played a big part in this decision. As far as I know, they were the only family to join KAC from the ad I’d placed in the KAHSA newsletter. They joined in the winter 2003-2004 session, when I was expecting Esteban. We took the spring session off for maternity leave, and when we returned in the summer, Rachel, their 12-year-old at the time, was a good swimmer. She’d gone from beginner to senior swimmer during our session off, and was now passing Yanni.

One day, when I arrived to pick Xay up at the pool, I noticed him wrestling in the shallow section of the pool with another boy. I thought someone could drown, and told them to stop, but I thought it was great he’d found such a buddy. He’d met a bunch of boys at swimming, but none he’d clicked with this well.

I’d noticed the boy’s mother looked possibly pregnant, and I overheard her say to the coach that she’d had a great vacation–her husband had kept the 5 younger kids, and she’d just had the 2 older ones. I did the math, and proceeded to talk about her to other people. Feeling uncomfortable about this, I asked her what number she was expecting. “8!” she proudly boomed. To which I replied what immediately came to mind: “God bless you!”

Meanwhile, Yanni and Rachel were getting closer, as were Xay and Dave (the wrestler), and Dan, his older brother. I didn’t look at them closely; I thought they were twins until later!

Anyway, at a swim meet at the other High School, I finally screwed up enough courage to talk to her and arrange a play date for our families. Her name was Tammi, and she explained to me how they had a house in the country, and it was her first time living in the country, and it would be good to get together at her house. I got the directions, and phone number, and a pretty far off date, if memory serves.

The kids could hardly wait to get together. I was nervous, however. Tammi was loud and forceful; I couldn’t tell whether we’d like each other or not.

I shouldn’t have worried. We had a great time talking. I liked something about her manner right away. Even though she had a large family, and was obviously big quiver minded, she was a real person that would actually get frustrated with her children, too. I am trying to embrace the big quiver mind set, too, but I feel like I’m not saintly enough to have a large family.

We started having semi-regular play dates, and even got the whole families (including husbands) together in May of this year.

Then there was the summer of tennis. First I want to say that it is never my intention to ‘break for the summer’ when it comes to school. I don’t subscribe to notions of school at home, so why should I submit to the school calendar? But since I don’t live in a vacuum, I usually find the kids and myself outside playing for much of the week during the summer. Case in point, tennis with the Martins.

They left swimming in May for a real vacation down to a remote island off the coast of Florida. I’m not sure when they got back. I called when I thought they should have made it back, and they’d been back for weeks, apparently. But they didn’t return to swimming. Long story short, they are unsure if they’ll even be in Kalamazoo for the long haul; Troy’s plant was closed, and they’re unsure of whether or not it will be sold.

That said, Tammi was in a socializing mood. During the school year, she’s pretty nose to the grindstone, especially this past year, because her baby, Michael was born in September (’04). So, to hear that she wanted to get together to go to the park, and play some tennis, was music to my ears. I have been wanting to play tennis since playing this great tennis video game called top spin.

Mommy and Daddy let us borrow their ancient rackets, and the Martins brought 4 rackets, including a racquetball one or two. Although we played with 6 people on the court at first, the basic teams boiled down to Yanni and Rachel vs Tammi and me.

This felt like my kind of homeschool to me; I wanted to learn tennis, and I didn’t want to pay to learn. Tammi had some tennis skills she was more than happy to impart to us. We played for about a month, until she found she was pregnant again, and was then too sick to do much of anything for about 6 weeks–or until it was too cold to play outside anymore.

But Yanni and Rachel continued to get closer. This is really a first best friend situation for both of them, and they are trying to figure out how to be friends when you don’t have everything in common. When Rachel was still swimming, it was a no-brainer. Now that she’s off, it’s a little more challenging, but they’re still pressing in closer to each other.

First they had their first job together. Yanni signed up for corn detasseling because Rachel and her big sister Rebecca signed up for it. While all hated the job, Rachel and Rebecca liked the money enough to want to return next year. Yanni would rather be an entrepreneur. She excitedly planned Yanni’s Muffin with Rachel during off-time during their tough agricultural job.

In September, Rachel came and spent 1 1/2 hours with Yanni at the launching of Yanni’s Muffin. In October, Yanni went to a worship retreat, called Cloud Nine with Rachel. She had a great time, and grew to understand worship better. I couldn’t ask for any better.

Xay has his own network, and it works differently. There’s William, with whom he has semi-regular all day play dates, and several over-nights, too. Then there’s Levi, a friend he’s had longer, who also invites Xay over for all day and overnights, but on a less frequent basis. Levi has been invited to every one of Xay’s birthday parties since he turned 4!

Then there’s Keith. Xay and Keith met last fall when Yanni was playing on the 7th grade basketball team. They’d been acquainted before, because Keith’s sister, Kim is in Yanni’s girl’s group. He is the only boy in a family of five, and he and Xay understood each other on that basis. It was during the many basketball games that he and Xay started hanging out, though. Keith’s big sister was Yanni’s basketball coach. I called his mother when I found out that the 5-6th grade boys’ teams were accepting 9 year olds. Both boys played in the boy’s basketball league, but not on the same team.

Turns out, Keith is really into guns and war, like Xay is. He threw a party, just because, in the spring. It was a Civil War party, and he told everyone to bring cap guns. This prompted a trip to Gander Mountain to purchase Xay’s very own cap gun. Keith supplied the ammo, and the boys split up into teams and played war games in the woods outside Keith’s Galesburg home. Keith threw another Civil War party in the summer, and just had a birthday party in October. Xay also invited Keith to his birthday party in March.

Now how’s this for connections? Keith and William go to the same church. William invited Xay to go to his Vacation Bible School, and Keith was in their class, too. So was another possible friend, Daniel Kuneli, a neighbor. Dave Kuneli, Daniel’s father, used to work with Curtis in Battle Creek. We saw the family at the Homeschool Talent Show, and we got together a couple of times last spring. The Kuneli’s also invited Xay, and Mani to the Vacation Bible School.

Keisha’s son Caleb really likes Xay. He can’t wait to see him weekly at the park. It’s hard for her to get there regularly, though, with her pregnancy. She just had her baby, though, so it should be getting better soon. The last time the boys got together was at homeschool skating in October. They seemed to really hit it off.

Julie’s son, Sage also really likes Xay; I heard he only wanted to come to the library last week if Xay would be there. Sage was really happy when we had the whole gaggle of boys at the park during baseball season; at one point, that’s the only game he’d play with the other boys.

Xay also gets to play with Jake, his cousin on school days. Jake goes to MLK, the school down the street, and when he’s staying with Zeke, his father, he comes over here after school.

I still find it a challenge to get Xay all the interaction that he needs. His time with friends is still too sporatic, and he doesn’t get on the phone, like Yanni is starting to do.

We met Megan at one of Bill Wood’s New Year’s parties. The daughter of their daugthers’ violin teacher, Dana, Megan was also homeschooled last year. They are great e-mail buddies, who occasionally talk on the phone. Despite grand intentions, we picked her up to hang out with us on a park day (museum day) just once last year. And this year, she goes to school. But, there’s good news. Her school is right down the street from our house, and Yanni has found herself riding her bike in the vicinity when school’s out. She saw some of her friends from church, there, along with Megan. She brought her home one day, and we took her to her house on our way to youth choir.

Things seem to be clicking for Yanni now, what with youth choir friends, children’s ministry friends, as well as the aforementioned friends. A friend of mine from High School, Candace, and I are getting closer because of our daughters. Candace thought Yanni would be a good friend for Ebone, and I thought Ebone would be good for Yanni. We were both right, and the girls get along famously. When we attended the Open House for Candace’s cousin, Tina, the little sister of my High School buddy, Della, Yanni was taken around with Ebone to meet all the cousins. Candace is like related to everyone in town!

This doesn’t look anything like my childhood. Friendship then seemed a lot like the rest of my life–catch if catch can. What’s for dinner? Catch if catch can was the answer more than not. I was friends with neighbors for the most part. I also had Della, from the orchestra at school. We very nearly made a connection. I want more for my children. It takes effort. But it is worth it.