Team Gray!

I wanted a little time to pass to process the whole thing. It seemed to just zip by.

Well, all the flowers were there, and I know what a coffin spray is. The one daddy picked out, with pink and yellow carnations, was very pretty. There were lots of flowers as well, including some sent by Gloria, for Daddy, Zeke, and me.

I woke up on Saturday morning with a sense of doom regarding the limousine. I thought, let me check my notes to see when it’s coming, and how many cars. Sure enough, we were down for one car, to come at 10:30, even thought the fmaily hour was to start at 10:30. I wondered why they called it a family hour, when it was only a half hour. The funeral was scheduled for 11. This discrepency really bothered me, but I didn’t say anything about it. I know I can be pretty hidebound and rigid about stuff like that. Curtis calls it sphincty.

So, anyway, I called Mr. Harper at the funeral home to find out how many cars were coming by. He said we were scheduled for one car to go to both Daddy’s house and mine. I asked how many people could fit in the car, and he said 8. He said they had another car they could send by to pick us up that rode 5, so I should call Daddy and find out how many were riding in the limo, and then call Mr. Harper back if I needed the extra car. He had told me that the other car was only available to take us to the church; we were on our own to get to the cemetery.

I called Daddy, and he said that he had Zeke and Kim, Fellah, Aunt Florence, Jerri and himself were riding in the limo. That was 5 people, and I needed room for 4. He told me to go ahead and get the extra car, and we’d find a way to the cemetery.

When I called Mr. Harper back, his son answered the phone. I had been in YPD and the Inspirational Choir with him back at Allen Chapel, and I always knew him as Bobby. I also know that as an adult, he likes to be called Rob. So I was all, “Hi, Bobby, I mean, Rob.” And he told me that his father was gone, but he’d leave him a message to call me back.

So, I’m all stressed out, thinking we wouldn’t get the car, etc., when Mr. Harper called me back shortly, and we arranged for the car. Then, he called me back again to say that Daddy wanted to be picked up sooner than 10:30, and we should be ready.

I, being a master prioritizer, had spent the morning pressing Mani’s hair. Yanni had been running around getting costumes together for the little children, even to the point of pulling out the sewing machine to whip up something for Joy! (We had decided to send them all to Annette’s house for Lavender’s birthday party, and then to Kevin’s house until the funeral was over).

So, when we got the little girls and Esteban all ready to go, we scrambled to get ourselves ready. Xay’s new shirt needed ironing; Yanni’s dress looked big, which caused a mild panic, until we decided it was ok. I had to decide on either a blouse and skirt or a dress. Yanni prefered the dress, Curtis the blouse and skirt, so I went with that. I decided I’d rather wear the rose bead necklace Mommy made, rather than the amethyst one. Yanni liked the amethyst one, so she wore it. We had to find shoes for Yanni; she wore my velvet heels, and she and I had hair to style. Curtis did the ironing, as usual, and pulled out his black suit.

Dina, also from YPD, Inspirational choir, and the funeral home, called several times for directions. The driver had gone to Grand Prairie instead of Grand Pre. It’s an honest mistake, but there is no house on Grand Prairie with our number, so it really throws people off. I directed her to the house, and we were able to get ready in the time it took the driver to find us.

Chris Stewart had come earlier and took all the little children away, Esteban wearing a bunny suit for a coat.

The car that came for us was a Cadillac. The children were disappointed that it wasn’t a limo, but it was a nice car. We directed the driver to the church by the back way, and he knew where he was once we hit Alamo. We got to the church right at 10:30.

I had expected we’d be quietly sitting in a room with the family, just reflecting on Mommy during the ‘family hour.’ Instead, we stood up in the narthex (lobby) of the church and talked. The quilts we’d picked out were beautifully displayed, and the picture boards that Aunt Florence and Jerri and Aunt Liz had put together were also on display. It was nice. I saw many of the Saturday Eves’ there, and I gave and received many hugs. The Saturday Eves’ are a book club. Mommy had been in the club for most of its 30 + year existence. She is their third member to die.

Several of Mommy’s Log Cabin Quilters came up and told me how much I looked like her, etc. Fellah was waiting for Eva to come; she had been too sick to ride over in the limo. She gets nauseous when she travels long distances and she was already tired to start with.

When it came time for the family to walk in the procession, there was a great scrambling to line up correctly. We were to stand behind daddy, no, Tona and Toby. We got Tona, and she left to find Toby, which disturbed Daddy. I cringed at the disorganization of it all. I guess you don’t have a rehearsal with a funeral. . . Fellah was supposed to be near the front of the procession, but he insisted on waiting for Eva. . . Yanni and Xay opted against being near the front, and stayed with Devon, Duan, Daniel and David. Zeke, Kim, and Jerri were behind Curtis and me in the end. I started crying at the thought of looking at the body again, and Daddy started crying to see me cry; it started a chain reaction.

The Praise Team came out, and they started singing one of my favorites, “Praise Him.” Curtis and I were humbled by who came to sing at Mommy’s funeral: Anissa, Tammy M., Myron, Claudia, Tammy S., Diane, and Charlene was the leader. Several of these people were former students of Daddy. They just kept singing, as we walked up, two by two, just weeping. Tona kissed the body again; I just couldn’t do that.

I really cried hard when Zeke walked up there. He was really crying, and Kim was holding him up. When we sat down, Zeke and Kim and Jerri ended up sitting behind us. I felt someone wiping my tears. I thought it was Kim, but it was Jerri.

Family streamed in. I saw Chicago family I hadn’t seen yet: Lewis, Merlon, Jean, Annette, Sammi, and Jean’s grandson, Rod. I saw Ohio family: Wilbur, Odetta, Joyce, Gloria, Irma, Jeffrica, Velma and James, plus Lillian and Richard, who had been at the visitation. So many faces came by, even Arkansas family: Bonnie, Irish, Corine, Frankie. I was so touched, and most of them came by to hug me.

Michael, Stephanie’s husband was there from Ann Arbor, too.

The Praise team sang, “I am a friend of God.” It is a perky song, but the family was just crying.

Sid Ellis, one of Daddy’s former students, and our pastor who handles all the behind the scenes of the video ministry, served as MC. Usually a great comedian, Sid was very somber at this time.

Mother Kathleen, Mommy’s pastor, started the service with prayer. She knew and loved Mommy, and she brought her into the service immediately.

Pastor Armstrong, our assistant pastor, who also knew Zeke from his days as a coach and gym teacher, read the scripture from 2 Corinthians about in my Father’s house are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for you. . .

We were asked if we wanted to say a last goodbye to Mommy before they closed the coffin. Daddy went up and hugged her, and it was so sad. He looked so small, frail. His glasses were off, and he was moved. I didn’t want to go up and see it again. I know that Mommy was already gone, and that was just her house.

Delores Myers, Mommy’s best friend, read the obituary, and the acknowledgements. The Saturday Eves’, who I couldn’t find where to put them in the obituary–I’m sorry–gave her a proclamation. Delores did so well; I know how much she loved Mommy. And she didn’t break down. Harvey (Delores’ husband) was a rock there by her side the whole time.

Ebone, daughter of my friend Candace, sang, “His eye is on the Sparrow.” It was beautiful. When I first looked at the musicians to see who was playing, I’d just noticed Cliff on the keyboards, and a man that looked a little like the sound man playing the drums. Cliff is the organist’s son, probably 16 or 17. I watched the musicians, as Cliff made way for Derek to accompany Ebone. I hadn’t noticed Derek before. At 15, Derek is the son of Myron, the choir director. Derek is a very experienced and talented musician; he had started playing drums with the choir when he was 6 or so. Ebone was used to singing a capella, but she did well with the accompaniment, too.

When the floor was open for comments, nobody came forward at first. Then, Aunt Florence came forward. She was going to read my tribute to Mommy, ‘in the shadow of her needle.’ She talked about how Mommy was not just a sister-in-law, but a friend. She talked about their visit last summer, and how one of the things Mommy had pulled out to show her was the Mother’s Day tribute I’d given her.

And Aunt Florence shared a small section of the tribute–the part about how Mommy knew the value of idle hands are the devil’s workshop. I thought it was a good picture of who she was.

Mama Love got up to talk about Mommy being on her dissertation committee, and encouraging her to fight for what she believed in.

Ben Wilson shared about the groundhog’s day party. It was light, and funny; like he’d written down what he was going to say.

Mrs. Lett said that Mommy had, over the course of three days, taught her how to make watermelon pickles, and now Mrs. Lett was a star in her family for those pickles.

Karen Brown couldn’t hold back the tears as she talked about how ‘Lethonee was my friend.’ She talked about how Mommy had inspired her and encouraged her to write her most successful play, (Grandma’s Quilt). I had forgotten how much Mommy had touched people’s lives.

Stephani Herbert surprised me by talking about how she didn’t know mommy, but she knew me from school, from the 8th grade, and she had always admired my courage to be smart. She knows now that I got that from Mommy.

Bonnie got up and talked about salvation. She said that Mommy was quiet, but what was important was if she had Jesus.

One of Daddy’s frat brothers got up and said he had just met her recently, but she was a nice lady.

The remarks were cut short, and Romeo Phillips sang a spiritual, accompanied by Clarence Small, our old organist at Allen Chapel. Romeo has a beautiful baritone, operatic voice, with amazing control, even though he is in his upper 70s. Clarence is a brilliant musician as well; I could tell he was fighting with the keyboard to make it act more like a piano.

Reverend Smith, of Allen Chapel rose for the eulogy. He said he had never met Mommy, but he had met me, and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Again, I was taken aback. We had met at the hospital that day when he annointed her with oil. Reverend Smith also brought home the point that everybody has to be saved. His message made us laugh in spots, and I found myself enjoying everything, and no longer crying.

The Praise Team sang, “There is a sweet/ annointing in the sanctuary. . . ,” the song I’d had in my head all day Friday. I was surprised to look up and see Sister Yvonne leading the song. I hadn’t seen when the Pastor’s wife had arrived.

Soon, we all proceeded out, and I greeted people down the aisle, and found myself surrounded by people in the Narthex again. The first person I saw when I exited the sanctuary was Irita! She was the only of my college friends who could make it, but they were all thinking of me. I was very glad to see her.Tammi and Rachel made it! Yanni, surrounded by her two best friends, Ebone and Rachel, was content showing them about her grandmother through quilts and pictures.

I had a regular procession of people to hug and talk to, while Daddy and them rushed around trying to get in the cars to go to the cemetery. By the time Curtis and I went outside, we saw that the limo was full. Jerri got out, and offered me her seat, saying she’d ride with Devon. Fellah, Eva, and Aunt Florence made room for Curtis, and I sat by Zeke and Kim. The car filled to capacity, we made it up Westnedge from the church.

When we got to the cemetery, Eva was sick again, and Fellah yelled at the limo driver to get the back windows open. The windows were slow, stuck, and Eva threw up in her hand. Fellah really yelled at the driver now, and insisted on getting out and walking. It was quite a walk to the grave site, but the air would do her some good.

Daddy was looking for the tent, and Aunt Florence was talking about the building, but in the end, we sat outside, without a tent, on these funny astroturf covered chairs. We were given carnations from the coffin spray to put on top of the coffin on our way out. Reverend Smith said a prayer, and we each said our final goodbyes. The coffin remained up after we left.

Tona was telling Curtis and me what it was like to grow up in their family, and she regretted that she hadn’t gotten up to talk about the Angel she knew. I regretted it too. She and Toby left the cemetery and went back to Detroit.

The rest of us rode back to the church for the repast. At this point, it really felt like a family reunion. Just like at the reunion, I sat with Zo and Felisha. The table behind us had other first cousins: Lewis and Deidre, Langston, Karl, and Michael.

Yanni and Xay sat with Daniel and David, and Daddy was at the head table with Zeke and Kim, Uncles Steve and Dick, Eva and Fellah, and Cathy and Aunt Hank.

The food was pretty good, and the atmosphere was nice in the Solid Rock Cafe. There was plenty of room, and, even though we ran out of cobbler, *boo*, there was plenty of food.

I made the rounds, trying to talk to everyone there. Sherese and her family joined us for the repast, and their presence was comforting. I had seen this familiar face earlier at the funeral, and I didn’t know where from. I had seen Bop, Zeke’s good friend from college, and I had recognized him, but this other guy looked too old to be Zeke’s friend. But it was! It was Chad, who Zeke had brought by to visit back in ’92 when Yanni was a new baby. He looks like a grown-up, now, with the white hairs sprinkled in his ‘fro.

By this point, I was tired of telling everybody I had 5 children, and they all telling me they’d only met the oldest 2, so I was ready to go get the babies and show them off at Daddy’s house.

All of the family at least made an appearance at Daddy’s house. We stayed there from around 3 until 8, just hanging out and talking. Daddy was dozing in the chair and ottoman at first, but he woke up and started making mixed drinks for anyone interested. There were friends there among the family: Mrs. Brown, and two of her daughters, Pam and Karen, and two of Mommy’s dear friends, Gail and Paul. I had thought of them, and had wondered if anyone had told them of Mommy’s passing. I was glad to see them there again.

I had a nice long talk with Cathy about her father. Cathy hadn’t seen Uncle Steve in 3 years, and he was planning on going back to Southfield with her that evening.

I had another nice talk with Felisha and Deie, and later with Lew and Deie. It is good to get to know my new cousins better. Esteban and Lawrence finally got together, and I think they eventually got used to each other.

I found some pictures of Mommy on my way out the door that started me feeling sad again. I think I’m going to have some sad evenings for a little while now. Mommy always told me I get sad at night.