Is black the only detail we notice in different people?

4Mar2010 Filed under: Uncategorized Author: Angela

I don’t know what’s going on with the blog. As proud as I am of my daughter, I didn’t mean to post that last article 3 times. I can’t delete two of them to make it normal. So I’ve run away from my mess and cowered in the corner. There. I’ve said something about it. I’ve acknowledged it. I still can’t fix it.

In fact, this here is more of an experimental post than a real one. I don’t even know if anyone will read it. I better stop explaining and start getting interesting, hmmm?

How about I relate a couple cases of mistaken identity?

Today when I got to cardio tennis, a woman greeted me with, “Look who’s back!” I looked around to see who she was talking about. “How’s your hand?” she continued. Then the woman next to her said, “It’s not her!” She’d mistaken me for the woman who fell down on Tuesday. Now, I had worried that people were looking at me like a fat woman likely to fall down in tennis, but I certainly don’t look anything like the woman who fell. She is shorter than I am, has shorter hair, is noticeably fatter than I am, has different color eyes, wore completely different clothes. . .

The foot in mouth woman didn’t skip a beat. She proceeded to tell me about the woman falling on Tuesday and how she’d hurt her hand. I told her that I was there on Tuesday. . .

Later on, I took the children to their bi-weekly math games group. The woman who teaches the younger children in gym class pulled me aside to tell me that I’d joined halfway into the year, and she proceeded to explain the procedure for turning in the exercise sheets. I have been in the group all year, and have had conversations with this woman all year. She had mistaken me for another black woman, who had just joined. She is taller than I am, has completely different hair, darker eyes, dresses differently. . .

It hurts my feelings to think I have made no more impression on folks that they are confusing me with other people.

I let it go in the tennis class. Surely, even though she talked to me as though I hadn’t been there on Tuesday, the woman must have recognized my face enough to connect me with the injured woman, right?

And it was an innocent blunder in the math group, right? Surely she wasn’t suggesting that we all look alike?

My husband says that if people knew how much this hurt, they wouldn’t act that way. I’m thinking I must do something brash to differentiate myself. That’s probably not the right conclusion. What do you think? If you’re black, do you have this problem? If you’re not black, is that the only detail you notice about different people?

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3 Responses to “Is black the only detail we notice in different people?”

Mrs. Banks
March 4th, 2010 at 11:08 pm

I understand how you feel Angela. My advice would be to not let it bother you. This shows lack on the part of the individual who can’t differentiate the faces of 2 individuals.
Mackey Roberson
March 8th, 2010 at 11:32 am

Totally understand you here. Unfortunately, I have no solutions. I have just “let it go”when it has happened in the past. Probably not the right way to handle it, but it’s water under the bridge now. I have however used these moments as teachable moments with my own children . I NEVER allow them to identify someone by their race only. They must be very descriptive when identifying someone to me in casual conversation. There again , this may not solve the problem, but I am attempting to teach my own to be better.
Angela
March 8th, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Julie wanted to weigh in, but couldn’t because of technical difficulties. She told me what she wanted to say in email, so I’ll post it: I have trouble recognizing people sometimes who are teenagers (white), even one who lives next door to me, when I see her in a group or out of context. Also, I used to have a lot of trouble distinguishing between gym moms at the gym. Something about how they dress. Again white women. Once I know someone I’m good, but before that I sometimes have trouble. I also said something to the effect that I think people do tend to do a visual categorization based on immediate impressions to recognize people at first. If you belong to a group, racial or cultural or class, you might have enough familiarity to distinguish (that word is really hard to type) certain traits (shades of brown eyes or whatever) that might not be noticeable to someone not in the group. That might include skin color or hair color or whatever. This might explain the all-look-alike thing somewhat. And some people might be more careless than others about noticing things.

I think this is an interesting post that deserves more exploration. How do people recognize others, and at what point do you know someone well enough to look past their immediately noticeable traits? Also, do you ever have trouble telling people apart? White or black or Asian, for example? How about blonds? I have trouble with that sometimes, because their really light hair is so noticeable that I miss the rest of them at first. So I don’t think it has to be an insult or anything if some white people get you mixed up with another black woman. It would seem to indicate that they don’t know you too well, though.