The gist of the article is that we should stop feeling guilty for our missteps in raising and educating our children, and get on about the business of discipling them.

This is not news to me. I know that I am the problem and the solution in many ways with my children. But it is very difficult to disciple your children when you get stuck on being the problem!

How many times have I cried out to God that I have made a mistake, that I am failing, that I’ve done so many things wrong! And He whispers the same answer every time.

Disciple your children.

But, wouldn’t they be better off if I just went away and stopped ruining them?

Disciple your children.

And I better watch myself. Remember what happened to Moses when he protested too much. If Zipporah hadn’t quickly responded to God’s wrath by circumcising her son, the Exodus story would have been different.

So, tonight, while I was sweeping the floor, going over the idea that I am too imperfect to possibly disciple my children, something clicked. Phillipians 3:14 comes to mind: I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. So what I disciple my children in is not perfection, but in the pursuit of perfection!

Everything fell into place! The reason for discipline, order, standards. If we don’t press toward the mark, if we don’t model our pursuit of perfection for our children, they will be overtaken by the weeds of our culture.

Talk about a high calling! But talk about vision. This is a vision to get me up in the morning, to hold my head up, straighten my back a bit more. And to never give up. God is awesome!

I wonder if it is a case of pearls before swine, or the horse before the cart. That you don’t suggest to someone who doesn’t believe in Jesus to pray. You would first have to give them the gospel, and a chance to accept it before you would tell them to pray about their situation.

But then I think about Curtis. Before he was saved, Curtis asked his uncle for something. His uncle told him to pray. Curtis was offended, but he did pray, and God answered his prayer!

So maybe this is more a situation of not wearying in well-doing–that you tell people to pray, and not to be discouraged if their reaction is negative.

What about if they agree with you?

This morning we met Patrick Jones. We were downtown in the car when a man approached the vehicle, begging for a ride. “I’m so cold,” he said. He showed us a key to a hotel room and asked us to take him there. Patrick swore he was a good guy, that he had no weapons. Curtis checked him for that, and then we let him in the van.

As soon as he got in the van, he started asking us to take him somewhere else. It was on the way to the first location he requested.

Curtis was talking to Patrick about Jesus. Patrick was talking the talk: “I know I need to go to church.” Curtis said, “you don’t even need church.” “What do I need?” Patrick asked. Curtis answered, “Jesus. You need to repent. Tell Him that you were wrong and He was right.”
“Right turn here, ma’am,” was Patrick’s reply.

Patrick u-hummed Curtis a few times and then asked “Are you a man of faith?” Curtis said “yes, I am.” And Patrick then started talking very fast. “Then could you please just wait for me and then take me. . . ” “No, man. This is where you get out,” Curtis replied. We dropped him off at his mother’s house, or rather he told us it was his mother’s house.

We didn’t have what that man needed. That is so unbelievably frustrating! He is immune to all the talk about how Jesus could change his life. Did he need demonstration of that power? I ask, because Jesus Himself was demonstrating God’s power and some people still didn’t believe.

I pray that Jesus reveal Himself to Patrick Jones. That he find out that the Man he’s heard so much about really is who He said He is. I pray that Jesus tell us what to say to people, how to spread the gospel.

Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because the people no longer cared about helping the poor, they no longer cared about justice. I wonder if that attitude began with people praying for their own gain. Praying like that can sure get you out of the mind of loving other people. Prayer does work, but as James says, ‘you pray amiss, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.’ We really should keep that in mind when we pray, and when we advise others to pray.

I knew that scripture, and I knew the second part. That Jesus was life, and if I could find Him, I’d find life. I started with the Bible. I read furiously, listened furiously, did searches online, running as hard as I could to find Him. I ran out of time. Yasha died.

I have a worse attitude this year. I never finished the Bible. I’m in Romans now, not reading every day. My heart is bruised.

Yesterday when we got to 2 Kings 4 on our Bible CD, I was both excited to hear the story again, and apprehensive. An interesting wrinkle is that that particular CD is cracked. We were able to hear up to chapter 3 without problem, but chapter 4 is corrupted. I pulled out my Bible and read sections, and we fast forwarded and heard other sections. It had the same impact. Elisha lay on top of the dead boy and brought him back to life.

I learned last year that you don’t mechanically do what was done in the Bible to get the same results. These are stories to illustrate what was done with faith. But I still thought that what the people did was a clue. Yesterday I caught something else. What the Bible doesn’t say. Elisha prayed before he lay on top of the boy. The Bible doesn’t say what he prayed. That’s like the whole thing. In 1 Kings, Elijah had a similar story. He prayed and a boy came back to life. We don’t know what he prayed either.

I believed those stories. I stood on them. I thought that because I believed these stories my daughter would be healed. I missed something. I missed what was in those prayers. I missed that dialog with God. I thought that by believing the stories, I was believing God. But I still didn’t know Him like that.

Last night, when I went to pick Yanni up from basketball practice, I heard the coach praying for the injured girls. That rubbed up against my heart’s bruise. “Will that prayer really do it, God?” I asked in my heart. My heart sinks every time I think about praying for healing.

Then I talked to my friend Daneen, (whose daughter is on the basketball team with Yanni), and she asked me about how weird it must feel to be pregnant again in the aftermath of Yasha. She asked about what it was to care for her, and she really understood what I was talking about. I had forgotten that Daneen used to be a nurse. It was helpful for me to talk about it. It was helpful for me to cry a little.

I’m done running away from unpleasant feelings. It’s like having this bruise is a good thing, because I’m not numb anymore. I’m slowly being healed.

Curtis: noted
we can plan on getting him some clothes in two weeks

Angie: sounds good.
Thank you
I just told Xay, “Your father in the basement knows you have need of such things, and he will take care of it in due season

He said, “he didn’t say due season, did he? Because that would mean a long time. . .”
I said, “he told me the exact time, but I’m not going to tell you.

Curtis: *laff*

Angie: He said, “why?”
I said, “because that’s what the heathen do, worry about what they’re going to wear, etc. you need to learn how to trust

Curtis: wow

Angie: He said, “it didn’t say heathen, . . . what if the heathen was from America?”

I have a lot of bastards in the family. I have watched how they approach people, and it is tentative, unsure.

One person will come to our house and ask if she can use the bathroom.  Mind you, she won’t stop her children from running through the house grabbing at everything that isn’t nailed down, but she will ask if she can use the bathroom.  What, I’m going to say no?

One little boy I observed was very polite.  He was the bastard son of a man now married with two daughters.  The boy thanked his father’s wife profusely for feeding him, and then bused his plate and crept away from the table.  The daughters picked at their food, barely ate anything, and left their dirty plates on the table before they left.

I’m not saying that good manners are bad, but I’m pointing out a difference in attitude.  He was grateful to be offered food, while the children of the house expected food.

If you approach God like you don’t expect Him to do anything for you, it irritates Him.  In Jeremiah 29:11, we find: “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,” says the LORD, “thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

In Matthew 7, Jesus is telling the disciples the importance of persistence.  He talks about knocking and keeping on knocking, asking, and asking, seeking and finding.  Then He brings up fatherhood.  v.9-11: “Or what man is there among you, if his son asks for bread will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent?   If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!”

A certain boldness in asking God indicates your relationship.  Are you a son, or a bastard?  Do you trust God to do right by you?

I’ll talk more about trust in the next article.

The word “tarry” dropped in my spirit. I knew that the word meant “wait,” but I looked it up on dictionary.com to be sure. It’s an old word, a KJV Bible word that not only means ‘wait,’ but suggests a layover in a journey.

I was immediately filled with a sense of calm. During the whole Yasha saga I have been in a hurry. First for her to be born, then for her to get healed, to get out of the hospital. The word ‘tarry’ signaled to me to wait for Yasha to improve, and to be patient.

That was the first day we had tall Terry as our nurse. And there was another Terry in the nursery–hence the reason our nurse was called ‘tall Terry.’ So the word ‘tarry’ was reinforced over and over—for the three days in a row of Terry’s shift.

Meanwhile, the doctors are ready to move–they’re talking about surgery so we can take Yasha home. They’re talking about feeding tubes and equipment in our home.

We had a care conference on Wednesday. All the doctors that have been treating Yasha were represented: the neonatologist, Dr. Purdy, the neurologist, Dr. Sweet, and the surgeon, Dr. Downing were there. Lisa, the Social Worker, and Carol, the case manager were also there. Guess who else was there? Terry, even though it was her day off.

We’ve been seeking the Kingdom. We’ve been reading the Bible, doing Bible searches, listening to tapes and CD’s teaching on the Kingdom. We came across the scripture in Acts that says to tarry unitl you receive the Holy Ghost–until you get eundued with power. Hello! like the power to heal the baby?

So in the middle of all this pressure to make a decision to get her out now(!)–Terry is there to remind us to wait.

Curtis remembered other Terrys in his life. Just before he got saved, he worked for a Terry. She was Christian, and left a Josh McDowell book, More Than a Carpenter, out for anyone to pick up. Curtis picked it up and read it. He challenged Terry for believing it, and she stood by Jesus. There was another Terry on that job, too. He would greet Curtis every day with a purposeful “God bless you!” Curtis felt the intent of that greeting, a blessing, daily.

For some reason, these Terrys didn’t get along with each other. I don’t know the spiritual significance of this. I know Christians are supposed to love one another. But both Terrys loved Curtis. And he got saved.

I for one had misjudged our nurse Terry. I had thought she was aloof, but she just had confidence that Yasha would be ok. She ws the first nurse we’ve had to tell us that Yasha was doing well, instead of saying things like, “well. . . , ” or “i don’t know. . .,” or “she’s very sick. . .,” Terry said things like, “she looks good.” What hope that fostered! She was also the first nurse to trust us to take the baby out of the crib by ourselves. It was on Terry’s shift that I gave Yasha a bath all by myself (almost).

Now, when there’s talk and action towards getting Yasha home, we think we’ll tarry until further instruction from God.

Last night, John told us he was surprised that Yasha wasn’t home yet. Julie agreed, looking intense.  We had an invigorating conversation about what Curtis and I have been studying in the Gospels.

John mentioned different phases of the Kingdom of heaven–one of which is the immediate BAM healing that we’ve been seeking.  But then he talked about the mustard seed, which grows almost imperceptibly–that a slow healing is a manifestation of the kingdom as well.

Julie said that she wanted to lay her hands on the baby and get her healed. Curtis and I were getting ready to go visit Yasha, and John suggested that Julie go with us, while he kept their young son.

We stood to pray before we left, and they were praying for the baby’s immediate healing,and I found myself struggling with unbelief.  I prayed for help with my unbelief.  I asked God to increase my faith.  And the verse the Knowltons had just brought up came to mind:  Jeremiah 29.11: For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Suddenly, I was able to admit to the unbelief I’d had since the beginning of this ordeal.  I didn’t think it was God’s will for the baby to be healed.  I believed He had the power, etc. to heal her, but didn’t believe that He would.  Suddenly, that verse told me to stop being suspicious of God.

I already had the peace that if I really wanted something, God would give it to me.  He’d already done that with Curtis, and our van.  I told Him several times that I want this baby.  So, I had peace with that.  I just had unbelief about His will for her healing.

That piece in place, I breathed a sigh of relief.

We met Julie at the hospital, and she patiently waited for the unsually talkative nurse to finish babbling.  Julie prayed over Yasha while Curtis and I prayed as well.  I was hit with a wave of weariness–I know that was spiritual. I was just grateful that we had someone with faith on board.  It didn’t matter who it was, as the Gospels have pointed out in several places.

When Julie finished praying, she said that Yasha would be off the CPAP (breathing machine) the next day.  Curtis and I agreed to this in faith.  Then, as I watched Yasha’s blood oxygen numbers plummet, I was again hit with weariness.

This morning, Curtis told me that Julie had called and said that she’d been up most of the night praying for Yasha, and she wanted to go to the hospital and pray over her again.

We met her at the hospital, and Julie prayed over Yasha again.  Then she told us to keep seeking God, to keep growing our faith. We were growing a shield that would soon envelope the baby.  Also, she said that when you are looking for perfection, it takes time.

Yasha’s blood oxygen levels were dropping.  It was inexplicable.  Then, one of the tubes on the KPAP came loose, and the oxygen levels jumped up.  This happened a couple of times.  And the staff prepared to take her off the CPAP.  I had just been thinking that I didn’t know how she’d get off that machine with her levels jumping all over the place.  No sooner had Julie left than the nurse began to take Yasha off the CPAP.  And I believe she won’t go back on it!

Now she’s on the canula, the last breathing assistance before she’s breathing on her own.  The next big hurdle is nursing. . .

Xay wrote: I think that faith can move mountains, because God can already move mountains, and if we I have faith, then God will move the mountains for me.

Yanni’s answer: In the Bible, it says, “faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. What that means is that faith is the beef of hope and proof of the spiritual world, because as normal human beings we cannot just move a mountain. But if we call on God with the key of faith, God moves through us to move the mountain.

I thought this question would be hard to answer, but when I sat down to write, the answer just came, and the ink flowed: Faith is engaging the power of the ONE who made the mountains. Faith doesn’t take into account things like physics, density, size or circumstances. All faith does is pull on God–the Almighty Creator who made everything–even death–and then manipulating HIs creation. Faith is our powerful access to God’s awesome power!

I got excited just writing typing that!

*King James Version

Curtis added a comment:  “You’re all saying the same thing.  God is the One who can move the mountain, and faith is the currency you pay Him to do it for you.”

Our Pastor is Joel A. Brooks, and his Pastor is Bishop Joseph Garlington, of Pittsburg. Bishop Garlington has a group of Pastors he mentors, including Pastor Brooks, called Reconcilliation. This group also does mission work. They meet twice a year, and this year had their June meeting in Kalamazoo.

We were blessed by so much prophecy, worship, and powerful messages. I’ll try to put some of it here, but I don’t know how I’ll do it justice.

Monday night, we heard Bishop Greg Parish. He has come to CLC a few times on a Sunday, and is usually good. He did not disappoint.

A recurring theme was fruitfulness. First he prophesied about the families of the church. He said that the men would turn completely to God, that the women would be happy because of the way the men are taking care of them, and that the children would be in order. He said that the next thing coming would be more children.

He said that the women would be so happy that they wouldn’t need a big name famous woman to come and throw conferences–just turn us loose!

I was very excited about all this, considering I am pregnant, and I had gone into the meeting feeling the weight of discouragement with being pregnant in my church. I get so many odd comments about ‘better you than me,’ and ‘is that the last one?’ or, ‘what is that, your 5th?’ hahaha–they haven’t been paying attention. So, anyway, that, along with the joyful announcement that the speaker’s wife was due to deliver twins any minute set my spirits soaring.

Then, Bishop Parish went on to talk about the city. He quoted Proverbs 11:10-11: When it goes well with the righteous, the city rejoices and when the wicked perish, there is rejoicing. By the blessing of the upright the city is exalted: but it is overthrown by the mouth of the wicked.

The city needs us to prosper. Righteous people use our prosperity for the good of those around us. God blesses us and our allies for our sake. Allies of the righteous.

Then he gave five indicators of a prosperous church.
1. Courage. When a church has courage, the city prospers. He cited the prayer of Jabez; it takes courage to ask for a big blessing. It also takes courage to deal with your own evil.

2. The Church needs to be void of pride. Pride is forgetting where your power comes from. Church should be bowed down and broken—not professional. If we’re going to be prosperous, we have to learn humility—submitted to God—worshipping warriors—who will fight because God says fight. Professional fighters will only fight until that battle is done—warriors fight until it’s over.

3. Loyalty in the church. You may be on your job 15 minutes early—faithful—but if you talk about somebody in authority because of disapproval, etc., you’re not loyal. Our city needs for us to not be so polished that we know ‘the right words to say’ but to back a brother or sister up! Be loyal to your assignment and your anointing. Let me see how you’re gonna act when things don’t go your way. Prove yourself faithful.

4. The Church should be known for forgiveness, not avoidance. Professional Christians know how to manipulate mercy and forgiveness, etc. The world needs to see us forgive. Parish had a man take some of his members in ’97 or ’98—he struggled with bitterness. God got a hold of him—he wrote a letter to the other guy, and wrote him a check for $1000 to help him out. Parish had forgiven him—but God tested his forgiveness. A banker came to town, and was looking for a church home. He asked Parish what did he think of the other guy’s church, and Parish told him it was a good church. The guy chose the other church! God sent Parish 10 others just like the banker!

5. The Church should go after wisdom and knowledge. Proverbs 1.32: and the waywardness of the naïve will destroy them.
Proverbs 1:.22: How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity?
The Church should desire to be educated and get something in its head. Be filled with wisdom—even the unrighteous will come to church for life matters. A big white Lincoln with blacked out windows would come by Parish’s church every two weeks—it was a mafia guy. Eventually he got saved.

One other point I want to bring up is the 4 responses to the hearing a Word from God. These are from the Parable of the Sower:

1. Reject the word. Birds came and stole the seed. The redemptive, redeeming thing about birds stealing your seed is that birds can steal and eat your seed, but they can’t digest it–they gotta give it up. If you reject the WORD, you can’t get what God has for you. Get indignant if you hear a WORD prophesied to someone else, and you want it, too.

2. Resist the WORD, by telling God you don’t understand this. Zacharias is an example. The angel told him his prayers were answered–the prayer of wanting a son. Zacharias said, “how do I know that you’re telling the truth?” The angel shut him up for 9 months. If you resist the WORD, it will complicate your life. Another example: Himmet California is the ‘speed’ capital of the world–ie., they make the drug speed there. A pastor was sent there, an ambitious pastor, hoping to make it just one little stop on his way to significance. God asked him if he’d spend the rest of his life there. At first he resisted, but then he said yes. A prophet came, and said, “Behold, sayeth the LORD, you’re not my 1st choice, or my 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th choice–but the one who said yes. Because you said yes, I’ll give you the city. His ministry is international now.

3. Instead of rejecting it or resisting it, we reduce it to manageable proportions. Listen, if it’s not impossible, it’s not a God assignment. God is saying, “Let Me stretch you–let Me do it through you.” No Limits! No Boundaries! I see increase all around me! Jabez was heard. Get a dream you can’t manage–something you can’t produce. Take the city if He’s giving it to you–share it! Don’t stand in the river of your own prosperity. David said, “Now that I know it’s You, You go, God!” It do make a difference who your daddy is. He’s God!

4. Receive it. The same angel that went to Zacharias also went to Mary. She said, “Be it unto me according to the raima you just spoke to me.” Own it, rejoice in it, thank God for it. Before you ever hear from God, just say yes–ready to get the yes outta the way.