Oh well. We’ll let you know when we know.

I get to go to the midwife today. Oh, Joy! My first post-due date visit. Pray for me.

Somehow the word got out that I was in labor, in the hospital, and just not telling anyone what I had.

Today I saw Yanni talking to Sandy, her basketball coach’s wife at co-op. They were standing right in front of the van, so I could tell by the gestures that Sandy was asking about the baby. Yanni tried again to explain to her that I had not indeed gone into labor, when Sandy turned and saw me. We talked, and she told me that she had told a friend that I had already gone into labor, and they were waiting to hear about the baby.

Sorry, it’s just me and this enormous, kicking belly.

Curtis has directed his peeps to the site for updates. Finally he doesn’t have to field questions about the baby. People can come here to get answers.

And now I don’t even want the baby tomorrow. She can wait. Because it is a big day. Xay’s basketball club starts, and it’s our last chance to take him out to take advantage of kids eat free lunch with Daddy. Not to mention, I need to go grocery shopping. So little miss lady can just stay put until Wednesday.

After which I plan to completely melt down if I have to go to another midwife visit still pregnant.

I’m sorry that you hear a lot more noodling on the piano these days. I am suddenly driven to learn the whole Well Tempered Clavier (book 1 at least), and Debussy’s Children’s Corner Suite, and his first book of preludes. I know that can be trying, especially with our out of tune piano, or you might be trying to work or sleep.

I can’t help it. I practice piano when I’m waiting.

Curtis, I know you are sick of watching me crochet baby hats. You even asked me if I really had to knit something else. Like wasn’t I done yet?

I can’t help it. I have to do something with my hands. And I still have yarn for that hospital hat project.

Even as I type this, my hand is throbbing from having finished the 20th hat (to donate to the hospital) today.

I know you all get sick of me monopolizing the DS. But Brain Games are a good way to occupy my mind. To keep my mind off the fact that I haven’t had this baby yet.

Imani and Joy, I know you’re sick of doing math every day. We have to do it before baby. And again, it takes my mind off the waiting game.

Yanni and Xay, I know you’re tired of all the esoteric cleaning requests. I have an idea of how I want the house, and I can’t do it by myself. I am grateful that you two are so capable. The house looks much better than it usually does. If I could get you to clean more, I would. I would probably join you too, if I weren’t so scattered.

There is so much to get done, and yet all I want to do is lay down and have a baby.

And I fear we won’t see her until after Xay’s birthday. . .

You’d think I’d have this down by now. Yet I’m still searching the air for a whiff of the future. Will it be today? Why do I feel so bad today? Something must be wrong! Just to fall asleep and wake up fine.

I know I had a few false starts with Joy and Esteban. Where I was positive it was baby time, only to be brutally rebuffed. Pushed back and told to sit down. Then I’d relax and the contractions would start coming.

So here I am. I went to the midwife, and she told me I’m 2 cm dilated and 50-75% effaced. All that’s missing are contractions. Whether that sickness I experienced two days ago was pre-labor or stomach flu remains to be seen. I guess it doesn’t matter. It served its purpose, and the baby inched down just a tiny bit yesterday.

And I’m feeling crampy and beyond ready to have the baby, bucking the trends that I tend to have–ie. I usually race past my due date to some undisclosed later date. I can always hold out hope to repeat an Imani (4 days early!), but every day that seems more remote.

So we’ll just wait and see, as usual.

There are so many other things to be concerned about, I know. But I’m tired of being pregnant. And Xay is none too thrilled to share his birth month (and possibly birthday!) with a little sister.

But I decided to look on the bright side. To wit, a checklist of what to expect with each full or post term birth, based on my history.

Baby #1: due: 14th; born: 17th
long hair: check
long fingernails: check
eyebrows: none
eyelashes: none
fingers: 10
toes: 10
muscles: well-formed

Baby #2: due: 20th; born 21st (early)
long hair: check, though not as long as baby #1
long fingernails: check
eyebrows: faint
eyelashes: none
fingers: 10
toes: 10
muscles: buff

Baby #3: due: the 8th; born the 4th
long hair: not so much, and it was thin
long fingernails: check
eyebrows: thick
eyelashes: beautiful
fingers: 10
toes: 10
muscles: well formed

Baby #4: due: the 12th; born: the 21st
long hair: definitely, and very thick, and all over the place
long fingernails: needed a clipping at birth
eyebrows: check
eyelashes: check
fingers: 10
toes: 10
muscles: long and thin and well formed in the thigh

Baby #5: due: the 31st; born: the 3rd (of the next month)
long hair: nothing like #4, but thick and beautiful nonetheless
long fingernails: check
eyebrows: check
eyelashes: beautiful
fingers: 10
toes: 10
muscles: huge–my biggest baby

Baby #6: due: the 6th; born: the 15th
long hair: even longer than #4
long fingernails: where’s my nail clipper, I wondered?
eyebrows: check
eyelashes: check
fingers: 10
toes: 10
muscles: well formed

So, I can expect a muscular, long-haired, long fingernailed full term baby girl in mid-March. I guess she’s worth the wait.

And they take your blood pressure, and you listen to the baby’s heartbeat. Until the baby kicks the doppler.

And nobody says anything about the serious pain you have in your future. The baby and I are marching towards that ultimate end. Yes, we finally get to meet face to face. After the pain.

I wonder if I can skip all the little pointless appointments and just take the tests and then call them on the big day. Because by now I have just run out of pleasant commentary for these appointments.

I remember when all this was new. When I was pregnant with Yanni, I couldn’t wait for my Dr.’s appointments. I couldn’t wait to hear how well the baby and I were doing, blah, blah, blah. Everything was so fresh and exciting back then. I didn’t have to drop everything I was doing, get the little children dressed and race out the door for an appointment.

Back then I didn’t have anything to do, and looked forward to finding out more about the inevitable. The more I found out, the less I knew what birth would be like.

Now I know. Having been through the most nightmarish of births, it’s hard to think of anything else. So I know why I go to be bored out of my mind once a month. After the next visit, it will be twice a month. . . until we meet face to face. From what I remember, Yanni’s birth wasn’t that painful. I remember thinking, “is that all? I could do that again!”

I certainly couldn’t have anticipated Xay’s birth, which happened so fast it was overwhelming, or Esteban’s enormous shoulders, or Yasha being crushed by the whole experience. I wish someone could tell me exactly what to expect. I wish I didn’t have such a big space between Esteban and this baby.

I wish and wish and wish, and ultimately, we march toward the inevitable. And pray we get the prize at the end of the birth tunnel.

You didn’t miss anything yet, except that I’m more patient, and having more Braxton-Hicks. Both good signs. More later. . .

I was going to write a blog complaining about how I can’t sit, I can’t stand, I can’t lie down, and I can’t walk. I was miserable.

And then, I did my pilates. That gave me the energy and desire to read to the little kids and pray with them, and help them off to bed. I could sit, lie down, and walk up and down the stairs.

I am grateful to all the wonderful people that call to see if I’ve had the baby yet. I feel like going into hiding until I do. You’ll know when I have it, don’t worry! Until then, it’s kind of depressing to tell people no, I haven’t had the baby yet.

Curtis started doubting my methods of determining a due date, and said my symptoms were several weeks off.

So, my spirits are not the highest. And I hurt. I will keep up the prayer, the piano playing, the praise (at least in my head), and the pilates until this pregnancy progresses to postpartum.

Meaning, I used to feel baby(s) in the ribcage area all the time. Now, it’s in the hips, pelvic type region.

It’s getting harder to walk. It’s getting harder to stand up. I feel like I have a 10 pound bowling ball in my pants.

So, we’re doing cute projects with the belly.

Last week, me made a belly cast. We dipped strips of plaster in water, dripping all on the floor, and placing it on my mineral-oiled belly. It didn’t seem to take as long as it used to; maybe because I was working, too, along with Mani and Joy–until the floor started getting white.

We videotaped the cast on the belly, and the removing of the cast.

My belly was well moisterized after this one.

Today, we painted a smiley face on the belly. I have been talking about doing this for years, but I usually procrastinated until it was too late. Today, I had Yanni paint the belly with cold, wet face paint. I started a trend.

art/belly closer up.jpg

Esteban wanted his belly done, too. art/IMG_6905.JPG

Then Joy wanted her cheek painted: art/IMG_6909.JPG

Mani did not want to be left out, art/Mani belly.jpg

I think I’ll paint the belly cast in a rainbow swirl before the birth.  Then, there’s bootees to crochet, not to mention the house to scrub from top to bottom. . .

During Reconcilliation at church, I think I heard that I’m having twins. It was when we were walking through the prayer line of pastors, and just about every one of them put their hand on my belly. . .

I have asked Julie about how she looked when she was expecting twins. She showed me her pictures. She didn’t look much bigger than I do. . .

One Sunday, I was standing by Brenda, an older woman I know from the choir. She asked me if I was having twins. She just heard twins (in the spirit). . .

but the best thing was yesterday. I took Yanni to the Black Arts Festival. (And Mani, Joy and Ban, too). We saw Candace and Miss Nettie (her mother) approaching us. I have been wary of talking to too many people about this twins intuition. I mean, how weird am I to be this far along and not know what I’m having? Not know whether it’s twins or not? So, I was a little squeamish when Miss Nettie mentioned to me that Candace told her that I thought I might have twins.

“If you feel a kick over here, and then a kick over there, and then a kick up here, and then a kick down there, it’s twins, ” she told me. A slow wave of recognition crossed my face. “You had twins!” I remembered.

“I told my Dr. I was having twins, not the other way around,” Miss Nettie informed me. “It didn’t show up on the X-ray, because Annette was blocking BeBe,” she said. “I told my Dr., either it’s twins or a monster! I told him for three months that it was twins, and he kept saying, ‘no.’ And then, the week before my scheduled c-section, because I had a c-section with Candace and the twins, he called me and said, ‘are you sitting?’ I said, no. He said, ‘guess what?’ I said I’m having twins.”

I think I’ve found a new mother figure.