Team Gray!

Dear family,

I’m sorry that you hear a lot more noodling on the piano these days. I am suddenly driven to learn the whole Well Tempered Clavier (book 1 at least), and Debussy’s Children’s Corner Suite, and his first book of preludes. I know that can be trying, especially with our out of tune piano, or you might be trying to work or sleep.

I can’t help it. I practice piano when I’m waiting.

Curtis, I know you are sick of watching me crochet baby hats. You even asked me if I really had to knit something else. Like wasn’t I done yet?

I can’t help it. I have to do something with my hands. And I still have yarn for that hospital hat project.

Even as I type this, my hand is throbbing from having finished the 20th hat (to donate to the hospital) today.

I know you all get sick of me monopolizing the DS. But Brain Games are a good way to occupy my mind. To keep my mind off the fact that I haven’t had this baby yet.

Imani and Joy, I know you’re sick of doing math every day. We have to do it before baby. And again, it takes my mind off the waiting game.

Yanni and Xay, I know you’re tired of all the esoteric cleaning requests. I have an idea of how I want the house, and I can’t do it by myself. I am grateful that you two are so capable. The house looks much better than it usually does. If I could get you to clean more, I would. I would probably join you too, if I weren’t so scattered.

There is so much to get done, and yet all I want to do is lay down and have a baby.

And I fear we won’t see her until after Xay’s birthday. . .

OK, she’s officially nesting. The time is near.

Wonder how many more times I can ask her how she feels before she says stop?

Wonder how many more days I can post about this before you guys stop coming by?

Curtis thinks it’s funny that I keep re-reading What to Expect. . . I actually gave that book to Christie a few years ago, but I find myself haunting their website these days.

You’d think I’d have this down by now. Yet I’m still searching the air for a whiff of the future. Will it be today? Why do I feel so bad today? Something must be wrong! Just to fall asleep and wake up fine.

I know I had a few false starts with Joy and Esteban. Where I was positive it was baby time, only to be brutally rebuffed. Pushed back and told to sit down. Then I’d relax and the contractions would start coming.

So here I am. I went to the midwife, and she told me I’m 2 cm dilated and 50-75% effaced. All that’s missing are contractions. Whether that sickness I experienced two days ago was pre-labor or stomach flu remains to be seen. I guess it doesn’t matter. It served its purpose, and the baby inched down just a tiny bit yesterday.

And I’m feeling crampy and beyond ready to have the baby, bucking the trends that I tend to have–ie. I usually race past my due date to some undisclosed later date. I can always hold out hope to repeat an Imani (4 days early!), but every day that seems more remote.

So we’ll just wait and see, as usual.