Team Gray!

I have heard from people who had trouble nursing their children. They assumed that because I nursed all mine, that I didn’t have the problems they had, which resulted in their giving up.

I know I like to put a sunny picture on things, only telling the good side. Omitting things like bleeding. and mastitis. and engorged, feverish, painful swelling. Then there was the time I thought I was going to die. . .

Yeah, I’ve had trouble nursing, too. Yanni and I had a hard time getting it together. She would scream for 5 hours every night, needing to be calmed and soothed before she would even consider nursing. Nursing for comfort? Hah! She seemed a bit sensitive, touchy to everyone (except Curtis), but to me in particular. I set her off. I know I was a tad hyper. Every waking moment with Yanni presented an opportunity for stimulation. I sang her little songs. I played peekaboo. I kissed on her. I blew on her little stomach. Yanni and I recently looked at a video of us when she was 4 months. We both wanted to slap me. Not to mention my mother, sitting off to the side, goading me on. “Sing this song, Angela!” “Play that game, Angela!” A constant stream of chatter was all the child ever heard. And we were surprised when she started talking! Anyway, it took a month of determination to get it together nursing Yanni.

I stuck with it because of my story. My mother nursed me, which I guess was unusual in 1967. So unusual, in fact, that her mother was constantly nagging her to wean me. My mother gave in when I was around 8 weeks old. The problem was, I ended up with a severe milk allergy. And I refused rubber nipples. By the time my mother found out about the allergy, her milk had dried up. So, I was drinking a meat based formula ( I was allergic to soy, too) from a cup. I was in my late twenties when I finally learned to drink from a cup without sucking first.

I was determined to nurse my children as long as possible. No matter what. For Yanni, that was 18 months. She was still nursing all through the night when I finally got sick of it. I cut her off cold turkey, and then suffered the consequences. Yanni was hungry form the lack of night-time feedings, and we were up every day at 5 for breakfast that summer. I went through alternate sides getting engorged, and chills, and hot flashes, and heart palpitations. I searched the library in vain for evidence that I wasn’t going to die.

Xay wasn’t interested in nursing at birth, but he more than made up for that his first night at home! He wouldn’t leave me alone to catch more than three winks at a time. And Xay was relentless, nursing every two hours for several months. He tended towards allergies, so it was delicate putting him on table food. Xay was the only baby not to bite me, but I did get a nasty case of mastitis when he was new. I felt the chills of fever crawling up the base of my neck on our first Mother’s Day together. I had a hard lump in the infected breast, and it throbbed, but I kept nursing. Xay nursed until he was two weeks shy of 2. By then, he was down to just one feeding, at nap time. He didn’t even ask for any more nursing when his time came.

Imani, Joy and Esteban were all nursed until I was into the pregnancy for the next baby. I don’t even remember weaning Esteban. I felt forced to wean Imani and Joy before I was ready. Both of them had developed a bad latch on problem around 16 months. It was so painful, I thought they were biting me. After I ended up bleeding, and I couldn’t remedy it, I weaned them. I had wanted to at least make it to 18 months. My midwife reassured me that I had done well by them; it was ok to wean them at that time.

Esteban developed the bad latching problem around 4 months. He was still exclusively nursing, and I was determined NOT to wean him. So, I had to figure out what to do. Mercifully, I finally found some La Leche League information about what the situation really was. I may have even talked to a lactation consultant about it, and learned that he had to be re-taught how to latch on. Yanni worked with Esteban with a pacifier, training him to open wide. Problem solved! We enjoyed a problem free nursing relationship until Yasha showed up in the womb sometime. I don’t remember weaning him; 2005 was a busy fall.

Now I’m pumping. Quite often. And at the time when I developed painful cracked nipples with Esteban,. . . I’ve got a situation with my problem side this time too. Pumping with a cracked nipple is insane. If I thought I’d never heal when I was nursing with one! Man! We’re talking nu skin. We’re talking lansinoh. We’re talking salt restricted diet. And I still find blood in the pump sometimes.

This morning, I almost quit. I couldn’t not bleed and pump on that side. My cream was all jammed up in the top of the dispenser like a broken chapstick. But, I decided to try again, and I went to Walgreen’s and bought some lansinoh and vitamin e and baby oil.

We will get through this! We will nurse!

I know I couldn’t have done any of this without God. He will never leave me nor forsake me. And He will heal Yasha.

Yasha is starting to hold your gaze slightly. I think you can see it in this picture.

(Lesley, Yasha’s OT feeds her with the bionix nipple)

I think I hate that feeding tube more every day. It gets caught on things, pulled loose, pulled out, and then there’s the vomiting. It’s as if Yasha is sick of the tube as well.

I can’t wait until she’s nursing.

Yesterday we had a milestone. Yasha drank from her bionix nipple twice during the day. that’s at least 2 mL. It took so long to get her to drink just 1 mL when we started with the bottle.

I never noticed before Yasha how much of a baby’s day is spent sucking. With Yasha, it’s like going to the gym. She has to get small workouts until she’s ready to suck full-time.

A major piece in the equation is her ability to relax. Yasha has had tight little fists, arms and legs almost her whole life. These external extremities are probably an indication of what’s going on inside.

For example, if Yasha is crying, you can’t get the tube in until she relaxes. Same thing with sucking. She won’t even suck on a pacifier if she’s all tight and crying. So, I wonder if that also affected swallowing and gagging in the past?

Because she is doing both up a storm nowadays.

I thank everyone for their prayers for Yasha’s healing. We will all have a celebration when it’s complete. Please continue to pray for her healing.